Pulling out of postpardum

As I was leaving the gym tonight (my favorite 30 minutes to myself...never thought I'd look forward to working out like I do...the "at home" workout just isn't enough seperation for me!), I started thinking about how great it feels to be getting back to myself again. Aidan turned 5 months today & I can honestly say that I am really starting to smile & mean it, laugh & feel it, & when I cry its for a reason (well most of the time anyways!:)

Yes, I admit the postpardum rollercoaster is a crappy part of my life after having babies. Its been a rough few months for the Ashby family...even if you don't count the hours of crying, nursing problems, hiding in my "cave" for as long as I could, or the time I tried to "run away" and hit our other car parked in the driveway as I was pulling out of the garage (and then drove around for an hour bawling with no where to go (miss that Oregon coast) & returned home because I had to pump). (Oh man! At least I can smile about it now.):)

But feeling so terrible (during my pregnancy and after) has done a few good things for me...

#1 I have gained alot more empathy for those who are in chronic pain. At least I knew (or hoped) there was a light at the end of the tunnel--so many live daily with pain and have no end in sight.

#2 It made me realize (once again) that I can't do everything myself. I have been blessed with the desire to be independant so asking for help is not easy. Thanks to my Father in Heaven (typically after ASKING for it) I recieved the help I needed to "survive".

#3 It has made me so grateful for my great healthy boys. It sure isn't easy getting them here, but at least I am blessed to have them. I guess time (& of course prayer) will tell if we'll have more (Bob keeps telling me to get rid of the baby stuff):), but it was this time last year that I starting on the ZoFran(an anti-nausea drug they use for chemo patients)and I feel sick even thinking about it.

#4 Its made me appreciate Bob for working so hard for our family. I feel very blessed to be able to stay at home with my boys. I wouldn't have it any other way. The transition to a "stay at home mom" after I had Ethan was very difficult for me for a number of reasons, but I finally decided my dreams of conquering the corporate world can wait until my babies are older. (So what if I'll be a raisin...I'll be a motiviated, hip, experienced raisin with no regrets!) Thank-you Bob!

So, cheers to feeling better!


Aimee said...

Okay, so a lot of your posts make me have a big lump in my throat as I try to avoid getting emotional, but this was a good one! I always hope you don't feel like I am invading your life too much from checking your blog often. You have a great way of sharing everything you learn from "life's little lessons." It's nice to know that we all go through some of the same things. I have my own postpardum issues.. which is why my baby is four! You are an awesome mom and while I think you should have ten more, I feel your pain!

Jer and I think the world of you and Bob. I appreciate what you bring to our ward and our neighborhood. I always love hearing you and/or Bob bare your testimonies. You are both so great! And, man you make cute little boys! Glad you are feeling good again - you look awesome!

Siri said...

I am so proud of you, Emily. And what can I say ... I relate, I relate, I relate. Uggggh. Zofran. HATE that word. Here's a big shout out to tough Moms! And a shout out to tough, loving husbands, too. If I had one ... I'd give you an award, or trophy, or something. Love you! Hope to see you sometime soon!

Suzie said...

What we have to go through being a woman. I'm glad you're doing better. Been there too. -Suzie

Tanya said...

i am so happy you are feeling better. i still remember the day you called me and there was a little chipperness to your voice and i was so happy! i read really fast through the zofran part...i don't like to think of it either. way to go! you did it! made it!

Janas Bananas said...

I have never heard of ZoFran...I was horribly sick with my babies too and we have a thing called Diclecton which was my saving grace when I was pregnant..is this Zofran to avoid sickness??? We must not have it in Canada, you guys need Diclecton, not sure why the States have not picked it up, its amazing stuff. MAybe if you do have another one I will ship you some. ;) Anyway glad you are feeling better. YOu do a good job at trying to see the blessing in that day and see the good that can come from all the trial we go through...More people should be like that...mostly me!!!

Christi said...

Happy to hear you are doing better! Thanks so much for watching my Ethan this afternoon! I felt totally lucky that I had 2 people - you and Claudia watch Ethan so I could get some packing done for our move. Thanks SO MUCH!

Lindsay said...

Thank you for this post. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. You tried to run away??? Priceless. Glad you can laugh about it now because it's hilarious. And it's only hilarious because I've been there.
Postpardum. Boo. And pregnancy sickness. Double boo. And pumping. . .yea. No good. Good thing the little buggers are worth it in the end. :) I am sooooo dreading being pregnant again. Ugh.
Glad you made it through. Now you just need a little Emily. Don't give up now.

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